Okay, so maybe I'm being a little melodramatic with that title, but seriously? This whole discipline thing is exhausting. Or this age is exhausting. Or something. Let me try to explain.
I thought we were done with the "terrible twos," but it seems they have been picked up for an additional year. Only this time they come with a very strong opinion. Stasa isn't bad, she's just occasionally naughty. But when she is, it's bad. For instance, we'll go a long while with her being her normal cheerful, sometimes stubborn self and then BAM we'll have a night (and sometimes longer) of her refusing to cooperate or listen. We're not super strict and, in my opinion, we let a lot slide, but she goes in a three minute time-out any time she hits, attempts to bite, pinches, name-calls, or refuses to listen after the count of three. Only she won't sit in time-out, so we're constantly picking her up and setting her back down in the time-out spot, the front hall step. Over and over and over again. Sometimes if she's really angry she swipes at us or pretends to bite (because she knows not to really bite - been there, done that) or pinches. And recently she's started up with the whole "you're stupid" stuff. I'm almost positive she picked that one up from daycare from spending her morning time in the school-age room (they combine in the early morning). I told her teacher about it and she swore that those kids aren't saying that when Stasa's in the room. The next day her teacher pulled us aside to tell us that Stasa called her stupid and asked that we speak to Stasa about that.
Well, I'm pretty sure she's still at the age where discipline or discussion should happen immediately, not hours later and this teacher is new to the school, so we're still figuring her out. We did talk to Stasa and asked her not to say that word to people. We're working on getting her to say "I'm mad" when she feels like name-calling or hitting, but it's a huge work in progress. I told the teacher and director that they should put her in a three minute time-out when she name-calls, and I was told that they don't do time-outs, instead they provide her with a different word or phrasing.
Now, I know if anything you've got to be super consistent when it comes to discipline or it won't be effective. We've been adopting daycare's method of supplying her with a different word and being more kind, like when she tells us "I'm not your friend," we say "That's your choice, but I'll always be your friend." She's starting to drop that one and when she does say it, she announces afterward that it's her choice.
So here's where I'm struggling: this whole time-out thing works some days and others feel like a never-ending time-out. We're not into corporal punishment, so we won't be switching to spanking or anything like that. It's just not our style. Besides that, what else have you found that's effective? I'm wondering if three is too young to start a sticker chart or a red light/yellow light/green light chart.
This past Saturday was by far her best day ever and I tried to catch her and praise her when she was being really good without being asked, like when she shared a favorite toy with Lexi or got ready to leave the house without us asking for shoes to be put on a million and one times.
Oh! And please please please share your "how to calm myself down" techniques. Right now I count in my head and think about breathing, but it would be nice to have some other methods.
2 comments:
3 is not too young to start a sticker chart. Just keep it very simple (like 3 stickers gets her more time with her favorite activity). Make the steps easy at first to get the stickers then harder. You and the daycare have to be on the same page! Also, try ignoring any behavior that won't cause physical harm to her or someone else (like a little sister). If she calls you stupid, do not answer her and turn around. Completely ignore it. Only respond when she stops saying the word and then tell her you don't like that word. If she is throwing a tantrum (again, and can't get hurt) ignore it. Walk over her and keep doing what you were doing. It will eventually stop and once she realizes she isn't getting attention, even negative attention, the behavior will stop. Finally, reward the crap out of her when she does something good or uses a nice word or demonstrates self control!
I have worked in early childhood for over five years and have heard on many occasions (from professionals in the field and parents) that 3 is way worse than 2 becuase they are establishing their independence at 3. Good luck!
Thank you so much! I think we'll definitely try the sticker chart and see if that helps, too.
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