Being "Team Green"

I've read a few blog posts lately about being "team green" when pregnant. A lot of these women found out the sex of their first baby during their ultrasound and then went team green with the next baby. Some of these women had very different experiences with being team green than we did. During their entire pregnancy they dreamed of having both a girl and a boy - two babies. And when their baby was born - boy or girl - they mourned the loss of the baby they didn't have.

We've never found out the sex of the baby until birth. And if you know me, you're probably surprised because I'm a planner. A major planner. And control freak. But Tom really felt strongly about not finding out and I can't keep a secret from him to save my life, so I got on board when we were pregnant with Stasa.

The whole time I was pregnant with Stasa I had no feeling what-so-ever about what sex the baby was. I even had dreams about the baby where we had brought the baby home and still didn't know the sex because we never took its diaper off. We bought a lot of gender neutral clothing and items and packed only one going home outfit in our hospital bag - a Redskins onesie (which Stasa and Lexi wore home and new baby will, too). We did pick out two names - one for a girl and one for a boy, but didn't have anything personalized because it seemed wasteful to me and most of you know I'm kind of cheap and practical (and Tom is the king of cheap).

All I wanted was a healthy and happy baby and when our little girl was born we were overjoyed. We never had that feeling of loss since we had a girl and not a boy. I think most of that was due to how I thought of the baby while I was pregnant or maybe I'm just different. I'm fairly sure I would have felt the same way had the baby been a boy. We had the same experience when Lexi was born. And again - I had no feeling either way when I was pregnant with her and I'm feeling that same way again.

Each time I've been pregnant, and this is now my third time around, I've always thought of my baby as sexless. Is that weird? Maybe. When I was pregnant the first time I thought mostly about how this baby would change our lives and how excited I was to become a mama. Then with number two I was more concerned with how Stasa would react to having a sibling and sharing us with the baby. And now it's more about being excited that we're adding to our family and giving our girls another sibling.

Now the girls both only know what it's like to have a sister, so if you ask them they'll say they want a baby girl and insist that this baby is a girl (who, by the way should be named Ariel). But I guarantee they won't even have a second thought if it's a boy. I think they're more excited about having a real live baby to play with than having a sister or brother. (Which also reminds me that we'll have to make sure they're careful around the baby - I have visions of them trying to change the baby's diaper or picking the baby up like they do their dolls - eek!)

Maybe it is fun for those who find out the sex before the baby is born, but for us it's so much more intimate and emotional finding out after labor when that baby is born. It's kind of like seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. And I get that even if you find out the sex prior to the baby being born you still have a HUGE thing to look forward to - your baby being born - and that is big. HUGE. Monumental. We loved hearing "it's a...GIRL!" while watching her be born and having that all to ourselves.

Obviously this is a very personal thing for each expecting parent. We've loved waiting and have held off finding out the sex each time and will probably do the same should we have more babies. So no judgement from this mama - find out or don't - just enjoy the ride.